Today in headlines that will make you surprised they didn't happen in Florida: "Kansas woman tries to kill bug with a lighter and ends up setting her apartment on fire"

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 07/27/2017 at 09:21 • Filed to: None

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Yep, that’s a real headline in the !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . In an on-the-scene local news interview, Monique Quarles explained that she saw a bug in her apartment, caught it, lit it on fire, decided to check for more bugs under her mattress, found more, tried to light them on fire, and instead lit her box spring on fire and caused $140,000 in damage to the apartment building.

Topeka Fire Marshal Mike Martin !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! that the determination of the official Topeka fire department investigation, which probably didn’t take very long since the lady said on camera how she started the fire, was that the cause of the fire was an accident resulting from an “occupant trying to kill a bug with a lighter.”

Incisive journalism from Amber Ferguson of the Washington Post:

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And then, after describing the number of firefighters on the scene, people sent to the hospital, and cats given oxygen:

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Monique Quarles is a national treasure.

pip bip - choose Corrour > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 09:26

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Genius!

Honeybunchesofgoats > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 09:27

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I’ll need to know what the bug was before passing judgment.

Tripper > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 09:30

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Weird, that woman seems so bright...

yitznewton > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 09:32

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Hm, I once woke up to see a gnarly looking bug in a bucket next to my bed, tossed some isopropyl alcohol and a match in. It was a plastic bucket. Everything was OK, but clearly not the best judgment there.

jvirgs drives a Subaru > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 09:34

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This is what terrifies me about living in an apartment. Having to rely on my neighbors to not burn the fucking place down......

TheRealBicycleBuck > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 09:39

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My uncle once caught a mouse by trapping it under the bell of his tuba. He was on his way out, so he didn’t have time to figure out how to get the trapped mouse out from under the tuba and out of the house, so he left it there for the day. When he got home that afternoon, he discovered that the mouse escaped the trap by chewing a large hole in the carpet. His mom was not amused.

Wacko > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 09:41

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So she’s an Ex-Florida resident?

you can get out of Florida, but you can’t get the Florida out of you.

The Stig's Missourian Cousin > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 09:48

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Topeka is the Florida of Kansas. The weirdest shit happens there.

Urambo Tauro > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 10:21

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Eh, I won’t rag on her for choosing a lighter for bug-killing. Her situational awareness of the material that the bug was crawling on, however...

Also: did they not have a fire extinguisher in the apartment?

6691 zapS > Urambo Tauro 07/27/2017 at 10:28

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That would cost money, More pre-thinking: “Things might catch on fire.”, She is 0-? thinking about Fire.

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > Textured Soy Protein 07/27/2017 at 10:38

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